I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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