Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
