You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
