3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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