This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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