I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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