What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
