I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
a search helicopter?!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
