i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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