I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
