Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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