Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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