I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
