I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
