just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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