When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
