so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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