I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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