haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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