my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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