I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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