my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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