1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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