Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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