Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
