i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
