the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
