dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
