you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
