Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
