Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
