I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
