Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
