Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
