Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
