Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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