where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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