Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
