Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
