she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
