I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
