omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
