i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
