we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
please don't ironically join a cult
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