Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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