He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
