I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
