The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize