i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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