last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Boobs speak an international language.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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