12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
COCAINE IS GR8
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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