Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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