oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
