I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
