it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
