I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
