do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
