pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
