bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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