So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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