Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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