If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
