the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Watching her eat just hurts me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
