And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
