dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
