Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
