Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
