omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
