PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize