Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
