wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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