We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
