i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
