I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
